A blog that explores the concept of PDA as well as offering an insight into life with a child with PDA

You Tube Channel

I just thought that I would give a quick introduction to my You Tube Channel.  I have only made three videos so far but I do hope to add to them in time.  I have also made a playlist for the videos made by ‘Bluemillicent’ and for those made by other individuals with PDA including my daughter ‘Mollie’.

Here is the link for my channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GaodcAp4uw&list=PLRVOGwpSi6Q0vgrwgbuQx70eSNsJx_Cn8&index=3

If you are also interested in joining a supportive facebook group, of which I am an admin, then please apply to the following group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/pdaglobal/

Thank you

xxxx

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Well this year’s holiday really has been a mixed bag.  We have had successes and failures, we have learnt more about how to keep Mollie calm and yet regardless of all of our attempts to keep an even keel on our ship we have still experienced sticky patches and meltdowns which have become more prevalent as the holiday continued.

However all in all I would say that it has been a success, we have managed two whole weeks away, compared to only four days last year, with only three public meltdowns and it has been a very welcome break for me to simply just get away from it all.  I think that Lee and Jake have found the daily and constant contact with Mollie, her demands, her need to control and her ever increasing autism traits very difficult and tiring to deal with.  At home Jake is often out with friends and spends very little time with Mollie and Lee escapes to work, which he admits is easier than being at home, and also has various breaks when he is at football and so on.

However for me it has been far easier to deal with Mollie on holiday than it is at home.  I have company, activities to do with her and I don’t feel as isolated and lonely as I do at home.  Home life has become far more stressful for me due to Mollie now playing out and having her friends round all of the time.  It is good for her and I am very grateful for this chance for her to socialise and have friends.  However it plays havoc with my nervous system because the atmosphere is so highly charged and ready to blow at any given minute.  This means that I never, ever relax or feel unstressed for a single minute of the day when I am at home.

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Achievements to Celebrate

    • Mollie has been able to access lots of activities on a daily basis and appears to be much more at ease in the social world than she did last year.
    • She made a couple of friends who appeared to enjoy her company for the few days that they were here.
    • She greatly enjoyed her day at the beach and really revelled at her first attempt at snorkelling.
    • Mollie has been able to access the arts and crafts club and had done lots of artistic creations.  She has attended on her own and been able to cope being with other adults without my protection.  She has also enjoyed a degree of independence by being able to make her way to and from various places on the campsite by herself and free from adult supervision.
    • The holiday has also been very educational, Mollie has been to trips to Dinosaur World and Bygones (which was an exhibition about the past and how we used to live).  She has also been watching a lot of CBeebies in the mornings, which is not a channel that she would usually select, this has had a lot of educational programmes on it including lots of information about World War One, ‘Horrible Histories’ and wildlife shows.  Mollie is also doing lots of drawing, loom band making and writing in the form of her personal diary. We have also being rock pooling which led to discussions about wildlife and the tides.   Her increasing knowledge about the world, for her age, is wonderful to see.
    • She has also being doing lots of arithmetic by managing her own money and insisting on adding up everyone’s crazy golf scores.
    • She really enjoyed an activity on the campsite which involved holding lots of creepy crawlies, snakes and  a few cute and fluffy animals.

 

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The Best Type of Holiday Venue for Mollie

Mollie copes far better in a caravan or bungalow than a hotel room.  She needs to feel ‘home from home’ in an environment where she has plenty of room to relax and chill out.  She has her home comforts in the form of TV, internet access (which has been intermittent), loom bands, colouring pens and importantly for all of us ‘space’.  The space to have time out, from each other, facilitated by separate rooms instead of all being stuck in one hotel room has been vital.

Following an easy couple of first days, perhaps due to the novelty factor and the reduction of anticipation by finally arriving on holiday, the veneer of normality began to slip and we went back to dealing with a child with PDA rather than one who was concealing it remarkably well.

Following difficult days, where every PDA strategy in the book had been needed to be applied and every ounce of mental flexibility and patience had been exhausted to simply maintain the status quo we would try to reflect and identify triggers that could have caused this increase to her internal anxiety thermometer.  The same can be said for any meltdowns, these are not as ferocious or as long winded as they used to be and usually take the form of being sworn and shouted at in public while also dodging a flying missile.  Not as bad as they used to be but not highly desirable and still rather embarrassing, regardless of how much of a thick skin I try to develop, when you are in a very public place.

We noticed that Mollie was definitely more difficult to deal with when we were not on the caravan site.  The site had become home from home and leaving it to go anywhere instantly put her on high alert.  She found the unpredictability of it all very difficult to deal with.   How long would we be in the car for, what if there were too many people, what if she didn’t like where we were going to and so on.  We quickly learned that if we were out that every detail needed to be planned to the last minute.  The child that once thrived on novelty now needed very strict routines and to know exactly what would be coming next at all times.  Therefore each and every day would be planned by Mollie or we would simply follow her lead or make her a list of possible options that she could choose from.

Following meltdowns we would try to see what triggers had built up during the day to produce the final finale of the meltdown.  Sometimes we simply have to guess and to try to work it out for ourselves but sometimes Mollie can help us in this area.  This is very dependent on her mood at the time and is not something that I attempt to discuss with her during or immediately after a meltdown.  I tend to pick my time carefully and even then it can be hit and miss as to whether she opens up or not.

A day at the beach ended up in a meltdown during the evening, in the bar, due to a build-up of small but anxiety provoking triggers. The following day once calm had been restored I suggested that we wrote our thoughts and feelings down in a thoughts diary, again this method will be hit and miss but it is a strategy worth keeping in my ever growing bag of PDA tricks and strategies.
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Triggers for the Meltdown Following Our Day at the Beach

  • Leaving Blueberry behind because we were afraid of losing her on the beach greatly upset her because she feels much more secure when Blueberry is with her.  Blueberry had ceased to be an active part of Mollie’s life but since her reintroduction into the social world Blueberry has mysteriously reappeared following, according to Mollie, a stay at a boarding school.  Having Blueberry injected back into our lives can be very difficult because she becomes Mollie’s PDA alter ego for when Moll wants to cause mischief but without putting herself directly in the firing line.  It is also very tiresome for Lee ‘who is Blueberrys voice’ to have to keep role playing being Blueberry Bear.  This role play is required throughout the day and night.
  • As soon as we arrived at the beach she was eager to play and even waiting while sun cream was applied, deckchairs were hired and Lee sorting the parking spot out appeared to greatly aggravate her.  Like many of our children she is unable to play by herself and needs that constant one on one interaction, meaning that this short amount of waiting filled her with pent up anxiety and boredom.
  • She wanted to play in the sea for longer than any of us could stand the cold and even though we did it in shifts it still wasn’t long enough.  She simply could not cope when we had to call time on remaining in the sea with her.
  • As the day drew to a close this also stressed her out because she didn’t want the day to end, transitions are difficult for Mollie and this is another reason why leaving the site causes issues.  It is the transition of going from one place to another.
  • At the bar she had now reached the limit and her tolerance level was full.  When she needed a drink to wash her food down her dad, according to Mollie, took too long at the bar.  The result was frustration and anxiety which she took out by annoying and stressing Jake out.  One of my few non- negotiable boundaries is that I do step in when Jake is becoming affected by her behaviours towards him.  Of course when I asked her to stop annoying her brother we had the meltdown.  My handling of the situation could have been better but my tolerance and patience tank was also by 10.00pm at night running on empty due to the huge amount of mental gymnastics that had been actively employed throughout the day in order to avoid the very thing that was now ultimately happening.

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The Other Side of the Coin (Trying to Teach Mollie How Her Actions Affect Others)

  • I am very keen to try to teach Mollie to have the ability to try to see situations from the other person’s perspective.  So I also wrote my thoughts in the thoughts diary so that she could understand and view the day from my perspective.
  • I wrote down that while I understood how things had built up for her and that we would endeavour to reduce these triggers that the day had also being difficult for me and her dad too.  We are often unaware of her worries because she doesn’t discuss them with us so that we can deal with them at the time and that dealing with the subsequent behaviour is exhausting and stressful for us.
  • While I understand the need for her to have constant attention it would be lovely for her dad and I to be allowed occasional periods of being allowed to have moments of relaxation together instead of having to be relentlessly on the go.  Due to Jake being the same as a small child we have now being relentlessly on the go during holidays for fifteen years.  It would be nice if Mollie could occasionally accommodate our needs also instead of her needs always being paramount.
  • Being sworn at and shouted at in public when we do everything that we can to meet each and every need and to provide her with as much support and understanding as possible is really upsetting for us, infact it physically hurts in the same way that a punch does, and it is not always easy to recover and move on from.

Conclusions and Strategies Devised by Mollie and I

  • Mollie will try, when her anxieties permit, to give Lee and I a small modicum of relaxation.
  • She will try to tell us her worries so that we can help her deal with them as and when they occur rather than building up inside.
  • If she feels a meltdown approaching and still has some ability to control her actions she will ask to come back to the caravan.

 

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Since the first meltdown and the success of our negotiation Mollie still had two more meltdowns and so the results are hardly instantaneous.  As the holiday continued Mollie’s behaviour became more and more controlling and difficult to manage.  I think that she was finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the family dynamics of needing to fit into a four person unit.  At home she usually experiences one on one attention within the family unit which is easier for her to cope with.  Towards the end of the holiday it was becoming increasingly difficult for us to do or to achieve anything as a family unit due to Mollie’s attempts to fully control everybody, everything and her repeated attempts to kibosh activities that we were trying to do.  However each time we go through the same routine of some type of discussion, at some point, about what has happened and measures that we can introduce for the future.  Discussion may I add is not straight forward talking as one would usually expect but is often done in a very round-about way and by various means and methods.  I suppose the positive isn’t whether or not we reduce meltdowns or triggers but is the fact that we now do have some sort of line of communication open all be it a very alternative one.

As a child I have bended completely to Mollie and given her complete freedom in order to reduce the meltdowns, restore self-esteem and to provide us with calmer waters within which to sail.  However as she goes through adolescence and enters adult hood it is so important that I at least try to help her to accommodate the needs of others, to try to see events from the other person’s perspective, to take responsibility for her own actions and how these actions can affect others and to develop some level of empathy.  She will need these skills if her progress is to continue into adulthood and although I may fail, or she may simply not be able to achieve these things, I at least need to know that I have tried.

I think that we are seeing some small degree of success in this area but like everything with PDA it is painfully slow.  There are now times when her apologies and the sorrow expressed when she has upset someone do appear genuine, rather than simply going through motions of an apology which she doesn’t actually mean.  These rare glimpses of true recognition and sorrow at how she has made someone else feel are encouraging signs that I can draw comfort from.

 

 

 

 

Progress On All Fronts!

Well it’s been ages since my last blog post.  The truth is that I haven’t had much to report, everything has simply been rolling on in a rather uneventful way.  Mollie continues to thrive and she now has a much more varied and positive existence.  She is left to do her own thing but with very careful guidance from us it is all working out very positively.

She has even started to do lots of writing, completely under her own steam, in the form of plays, songs and letters to her friends. I have also, in some of her more recent writing, noticed that with no formal teaching at all she has decided to start doing joined up writing.  Her literacy skills have vastly improved and have gone from strength to strength by simply learning naturally.  Of course, she is extremely dyslexic and so her literacy skills will never be perfect but she now has enough capability and knowledge, in this area, to be able to navigate the written word and to be able to respond with her own written points.

Here is a recent example of Mollie’s writing which for an individual with severe dyslexia, and no formal education to speak of from the age of six, is outstanding progress.
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A really important and positive development is that Mollie has decided that she wants to sleep in her own bed!! I thought that the day would never arrive but unfortunately this does mean that I now have to put up with hubbie’s constant snoring and fidgeting instead!  She decided, out of the blue, that she would like a fish tank in her room.  Once the water had settled Nemo and Flipper promptly arrived and, as long as they continue to thrive in her tank, they should soon be followed by two more fish already named, by Mollie, as Champion and Captain. The desire to watch her fish swim about appeared to prompt her to have a desire to be in her own room at night. 

Initially either Lee or myself slept on a mattress on the floor because she was uneasy about the thought of being on her own.  After a very short period she declared that she was quite alright to be by herself and so she now goes to bed at about 11.00pm and stays in her own room all night.  Of course she may often stay awake all night but she is happy, causes us no trouble and this is progression.  None of this was instigated by us it simply came naturally from her, in her own time and of her own volition.

Here are Mollie’s notes on how to look after her fish.
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For my reference she drew me a picture so that I could recognise the fish and call them by their correct names.
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Something that I was dreading with a passion was Mollie starting her periods but I am pleased to announce that it has happened and passed by rather uneventfully.  She completely took it in her stride and with added assistance from me she has coped admirably.  I think that this is a big worry for many parent of girls with PDA but hopefully your girls will take you by surprise just like Mollie has done with me.  She very proudly announced the news to her little group of friends and so those youngsters that didn’t know about periods do now.  Thankfully I had already warned the mum in question of what her daughters may be about to learn.  As ever she was totally relaxed and cool about things.

Mollie continues to play outside with peers and we now have a little group of about five girls who all knock on to play with her.  It is lovely to see her out playing on her bike and her scooter while laughing with other children. However it isn’t perfect because we do have to deal with the stress that this elicits and absorb her anxiety of coping with the outside world when she is in the home.  Her resistance to do anything at all in the home and her abruptness towards me has increased but it is much, much better than it used to be.  Infact the words please and thank you have, without prompting or requesting, become a very normal and natural part of Mollie’s vocabulary.  If she is coping with playing outside and with keeping a lot of the natural her ‘in’ then it is only reasonable to accept that some of this supressed natural Mollie will need to be unleashed inside the home.

While this approach of ‘unschooling’ may not be suitable for all children with PDA I think that it would be hard for anyone to argue with the results that we are achieving by following this very philosophy.  I am not against education and my son still attends mainstream school and does well there.  It is simply a question of following the path that is most suited to the individual involved.  One size does not fit all and I aren’t of the opinion that ‘radical unschooling’ is the best option for every child or every family.  However I do think that it is an option that should be given more credence and not so readily dismissed because it simply doesn’t fit in with normal conventions or trains of thought.  The proof of the pudding is in the eating and it is the final result that this philosophy should be judged on.

Lots of parents in my street have been supplied with Mollie’s personally tailored PDA aware pack in the hope that this will allow her and us as much tolerance and understanding from others as possible.  We only have the odd one or two neighbours that don’t appear to be understanding or tolerant to Mollie’s unique outward presentation and this can cause issues.  However the majority are onside and are extremely supportive and understanding.  For the odd one or two who aren’t then so be it, I have tried but, as they say, it’s no use knocking if there is nobody in.  I am currently cultivating a rhino skin in my airing cupboard so that these few individuals can cease to affect me in the future.

I have sent my letter off to Stoke On Trent’s ‘Clinical Commissioning Group’ requesting that my local authority officially recognise, diagnose and support individuals with PDA.  I’m not expecting any miracles any time soon but hopefully it will at least get those who are in professional positions, in my area, to be forced to at least discuss PDA.  Simultaneously, the timing could not have been better, a fellow parent in my area recently contacted me with concerns that her child may have PDA.   We have collaborated and submitted a complete pack of information re her child prior to her appointment at CAMHS.  The case and my proposal for a referral to the ENC for assessment is water tight with every possible avenue explored and answered.  Anything that CAMHS may potentially throw back at me re this case I am fully confident that I can quickly, efficiently and with knowledge bounce back, it will be interesting to see what they come back to me with.

I have also been doing loads upon loads of work on my book which has been accepted for publication by Jessica Kingsley Publishers who are quite possibly the main autism publishing house.  Fingers crossed my publishers have pencilled in a very tentative publishing date for January 2015.  Phil Christie himself, the world’s leading expert on PDA, has agreed in principal to write the forward for my book which I am absolutely thrilled about.  Obviously he has to read and agree with the contents of my book before he can fully commit but I do hope that I have done the PDA cause proud and that he feels that he can put his name to my book.  I have learned so much about writing a book while simultaneously fearing that I may, at some point, blow my own brains out.  Hopefully I can take everything forward that I have learned to my next book.  My publishers have given me excellent advice and comments and my book is now looking like a much more polished product as a result of their input. However I am sick of reading the damn thing, it’s my story, I know what’s coming next, there are no surprises on the next page and I’ve read it about fifteen times to date!

Some really exciting news is that Channel four are doing a documentary on childhood behavioural issues and that they will be featuring a slot on PDA.  They have already done some filming at the Elizabeth Newson Centre (ENC) and interviewed some of the staff involved in the diagnostic process and Ruth Fidler who is the deputy head at Sutherland House School and speaks at the PDA conferences about the correct education provision for children with PDA.  This is an amazing step in the right direction for the PDA movement, at last, some air time on mainstream TV!

The PDA Army marches on for acceptance and understanding, we will get there eventually!

 

janesherwin:

Thank you to ‘Holes In The Wall’ blog written by Helen Bonnick, a professional who has dedicated her career to studying and raising awareness of child on parent abuse.

Originally posted on HOLES IN THE WALL:

Recently I have been contacted by a number of people also blogging about teenage violence, or about diagnoses associated with children exhibiting violence to their parents or others.

Understanding PDA is a website / blog by Jane Sherwin, bringing a wealth of experience about  Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome, including a helpful booklet which explains the syndrome for professionals as well as parents, and sharing strategies that have worked with her nine year old daughter.

Dinky and Me is another personal story of life with a young child with PDA, the ups and downs and telling interventions that have not gone well because of a lack of sensitivity or awareness by professionals.

Teenage Violence at Home is a relatively new site written by a family who adopted three children who had experienced extreme early trauma some sixteen years ago. They now live with the youngest only, following years of what can only…

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janesherwin:

This blog post from Julia Daunt, an adult diagnosed with PDA at the age of 13 by Professor Elizabeth Newson, is so informative, insightful and a must read for anyone either caring for or working with an individual with PDA!

Originally posted on Me, Myself and PDA:

Over the past few months many of you have submitted questions to me and in this post I’m going to try and answer them as best and as honestly as I can. I hope that my answers will give you a little bit more of an insight into PDA, and in turn your own children, but most importantly offer that ‘ray of hope’ that we all seek, so here goes nothing….. :)

Carolyn – How does your attitude to being told to do something differ from when you were a child?

My reaction depends on so many different factors like my mood at the time, who is demanding something of me, why they are doing it and how often they’ve made demands of me before. All these factors, and more, play a role so this is a difficult question to answer. If it’s a ‘needed’ demand like hospital staff telling…

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As a parent of a child with PDA I decided through trial and error to follow a path of ‘Radical Unschooling’.  This means that my child is not controlled by others or by outside forces and that I allow her to be independent in mind or judgement and self directed.  She is free, as much as possible, from external control and constraint.  For a child that avoids all demands made on her to a ‘Pathological level’ this has proved to be a rather successful option for us. By placing no controls over her she has, for the most part, set her own boundaries and her level of general compliance, ability to meet others half way, use of inappropriate language and overall behaviour has improved beyond my wildest dreams.

So what does this actual mean in laymen’s terms?  Well basically I very much treat and allow my child the same rights as an adult.  She does not go to school, any learning is self directed, she goes to bed when she wants, she gets up when she wants and she eats what she wants.

As long as she is not hurting other people or herself, breaking the law, causing mass destruction of property, displaying unacceptable anti social behaviour or emotionally hurting or causing stress and anxiety to someone else then I do not step in.  These are my non negotiable boundaries and even when these are broken, which they invariably are although this is getting less, I do not step in with consequences or punishments.

Instead I choose to support, guide and assist her to modify her behaviour.  So how do I do this without using parental enforced consequences and punishments?

Natural consequences can prove to be useful but these do need to be natural and not ones that I am in control over.  E.G, if she is rude to the parents of her friends they will eventually stop their children with playing with her or if she is rude and hurtful to me I will be hurt and may not want to be with her for a while.

However I can’t leave everything up to natural consequences because although I don’t wish to excerpt parental control over her, because it simply doesn’t work and courses the opposite, I can advise and guide her.  Although this will often need to be done during periods when I am likely to achieve the best results i.e. not when she is angry, stressed or anxious.

Disrespectful Behaviour towards Others
We can discuss why some things aren’t appropriate and how these actions may make other people perceive her.  We may role play so that she can understand the situation from someone else’s perspective with the hope that this may help her to modify her behaviour.  I may empathise that I understand why she said what she said because I understand that she was upset, nervous, anxious or angry and then move onto alternative ways of how this could be handled in the future.

Violence towards Others
If she is violent to other people then we may remove her from the situation.  Not as a punishment but merely because I understand that this is not acceptable for her to be able to do.  When she is calm we can discuss why this isn’t ok, find out why it happened, what were the triggers and how can we think of alternative option for the future.  Simply removing triggers can automatically reduce violent outbursts.

Inappropriate Language
Virtually the whole world swears, you hear bad language everywhere, in the school yard, at football matches, in a family pub at the park.  But we expect children not to either pick up on it or use these words themselves.  I really don’t have much of an issue with swearing as long as it is used in its appropriate place. However this a personal view only and I fully appreciate that for various reasons swearing may be a non negotiable boundary for many families.  I don’t have a particular issue with swearing however that does not mean that I like to hear my daughter swear but I feel that I would be a hypocrite to tell her not to.  So instead I have decided to guide her as to when and where it is appropriate or inappropriate to use certain language.  In the house is one thing but using it outside of the home will not be deemed acceptable by other adults.  In normal conversation or used as an expletive in response to pain is one thing using it to maliciously hurt others is another.   If she was swearing in the street when playing out with other young children or within ear shot of adults I would remove her from the situation if I felt that it was bordering on anti-social behaviour.  There wouldn’t be a punishment for her behaviour but merely a preventive measure out of respect for others. There would then be a negotiation and guidance as to why this wasn’t acceptable.  If she randomly spoke to me disrespectfully or used swear words in a derogatory fashion I would guide her as to why this is not ok.  Words can and do hurt, how would you like it if I spoke to you in that way and so on.  However this may often be done at a calmer time and not instantly.  Other objectives may be my priority at that time.  Funnily enough she has naturally reduced her swearing of her own accord over time and now apologises when swear words slip out a home.

Blatantly ignoring other People’s Needs
Again rather than punishing or enforcing other people’s needs on her we seek to encourage co operation in a different fashion.  We may discuss how the other person feels if their house is not being respected and is that ok.  We may come up with a list of rules together of what would be acceptable to both of us.  Discussing at the same time why we need to eliminate some activities but at the same time still making room for others.  By working together she is learning how to accommodate the needs of others rather than simply feeling that I am controlling what she can and can’t do.

The end goal for me is to have a child that can self moderate her behaviour so that she can exhibit acceptable behaviour in a variety of settings.  For many children this may be achievable by more traditional means of discipline.  However, for my child, these traditional forms of discipline only serve to actually increase the undesirable behaviour.  Taking a very different, radical and unorthodox approach has actually caused huge improvements in my child.  They haven’t been instant improvements, this method has taken time and constant positive reinforcement but the results are there to see.

I think that all parents have the same end goal in sight and that we should be tolerant that there is often more than one method of achieving that goal.  How we seek to achieve that goal is unique to the individual child and the parenting style of the adult.  This has by far being the most successful method for me but I am by no means saying that this would be the most successful method for another individual.  For us the hard line and coming down firm simply does not work, does not reverse undesirable behaviours and does not help my child achieve the best that she can be.

Giving her full control over her life and me actually caused the reverse to happen.  She released the extraordinary amount of control she that she needed over her own environment and reduced her demands on me.

By allowing her to have full flexibility over all aspects of her life she now chooses, for the most part, to fall in line with the rest of the family rather than fight to the death over every tiny little thing that was asked of her.

Our relationship, which I thought was broken beyond repair, is now positively flourishing.  She can still be rude and fly off the handle but will often, without prompting, apologise and explain why she was so highly strung.

The reclusive and depressed child that wouldn’t leave the home for two years and withdrew from all social contact, including that of her family was in a very dark place.  She is now fun, bubbly and appears to be really enjoying life again as well as playing outside in the sunlight.

She appears to be more able to cope with the needs of others and to cope with unexpected disappointment or not instantly being able to have her needs met.

Everything could go all wrong tomorrow but following a total of six years in a very, very dark place the light at the end of the tunnel is now shinning bright.  Mollie will always have PDA, she will always be complex, she will always need to be show far more tolerance and flexibility and she will always be prone to controlling and unpredictable behaviour.  However, for a child with PDA, she is now, apart from the odd exceptions, very well behaved.  This is because I no longer treat her as a child.

 

 

 

 

It’s not all bad

janesherwin:

I wondered if we could show our support for a new blogger. She is a teenager living with a sibling with PDA. Hopefully if she can keep up the blogging it may become a wonderful resource for other siblings and we can hopefully offer her support to xx

Originally posted on Generalfish:

Well, it’s been a couple of days since Zed had a meltdown so I’ve decided to post some things that I have found can help to stop meltdowns:

  • First, if they seem to be getting angry, I try to let him have more control over what we are doing.
  • Be sympathetic and don’t forget that he finds it hard to think about other people’s views on things.
  • Make sure that you are not being to bossy.
  • Give him plenty of warning when you are planning to do things, like say if you are going to want to do something alone or go out, and suchlike.

Those tend to help with Zed, so hopefully they should help anyone else who has the same problems as me.
Also, if you are a child I have found this good website for talking to other kids who have PDA or have brothers and sisters…

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