A blog that explores the concept of PDA as well as offering an insight into life with a child with PDA

PDA Information Cards

I am the first to admit that I am not the most technical of people. In fact I am pretty hopeless and so please forgive my attempts at these information cards.  I do, however, hope that they may help to answer some of the more frequently asked questions that parents often ask.  I also hope that they may be useful in helping to dispel some of the misconceptions that many professionals have regarding PDA.

All of the cards are available in either a Jpeg format which can be shared on facebook and other forms of social media or you can click on the link below each image and download the card as a PDF.  You may need to click on the image and enlarge it to make the text more readable.

I appreciate that there is a lot of text on these cards, however the purpose of them is not to give quick bullet points, but is to give full and detailed answers to some of the most frequently asked questions but in a visually more pleasing manner than straight forward text.  The target audience for these information cards are for parents and professionals who have a vested interest in PDA.

I shall also create some information cards that are less descriptive and more to the point which may be suitable for more general posting around facebook.

 

Card One:  Is PDA another label to simply describe ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder)?

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Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
The differences between PDA and ODD

 

The same card but in a different colour way

oddpda-pdfred

Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
The differences between PDA and ODD Red

 

Card Two: How does PDA differ from a typical presentation of ASD?

asdpda-pdf

Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
How the pda profile differs from a typical ASD profile

 

The same card but in a different colour way.

asdpda jpedred

Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
How the pda profile differs from a typical ASD profile red

 

Card Three: Why is PDA different than Reactive Attachment Disorder?

Why is PDA not the same as Attachment disorder

Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
Why PDA is not Reactive Attachment Disorder

 

Card Four:  This is my interpretation of whether it is possible to have a dual diagnosis of PDA and Autism or PDA and Asperger’s.  This is a question that is often asked and always creates much discussion with various points of view.  The information on this image is ‘my interpretation only’ of the information that is currently available.

dualdiagnosis jpeg

Please click on the link below to download this card as a PDF
Can you have a dual diagnosis of PDA and Autism or PDA and Asperger’s

I do hope that these information cards are useful and that they are copied and shared.

 

 

In order to assist Mollie navigate the ‘Neurotypical World’ as successfully as possible we have decided to try to fathom out the mysteries of neurotypical social interaction.  Just what does go on in the neurotypical mind and why does it appear to react so adversely to the PDA mind?  I would like to point out that neither mind is superior they are simply different but equal.

Our home is Mollie’s PDA world this is where she can fully and truly be herself without the need to moderate, apologise or to adapt her behaviour.  People entering our ‘PDA World’ are expected to accept, respect and to try to understand Mollie for who she is and to not expect her to be any different.
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Therefore it stands to reason that if Mollie wants to dabble in the ‘Neurotypical World’ that she will need to show the NT’s the same respect.  She will need to accept, respect and to try to understand the NT’s.  I don’t see this as changing who you are so that you can fit in, I simply see it as respecting somebody else’s law’s, custom’s and traditions.

I compare this situation to having two different cultures with different languages, traditions and so on who are then forced to live in the same country.  While the two cultures may have there own unique communities these communities will invariably cross over and need to co-exist harmoniously with each other.  It is important to remain true to oneself and to stand by your own beliefs but you can still have respect for the different beliefs of another individual even if you don’t agree with them.

I am not a religious person at all but both of my parents are extremely religious and regular church goers.  I respect their choice and their opinions on religion and I don’t feel any need to try to make them see my point of view.  They also respect that religion isn’t for me and don’t try to force their views on me although it does trouble and worry them that I am not religious.  Out of respect I make a conscious effort not to blaspheme or say anything that they may find offensive when I am with them.  This doesn’t mean that I can’t be the real me when I am with them because I am, I simply have to make very small adjustments so that I am respectful of their views.

This is what I am hoping for with Mollie, that she can still be herself, but hopefully adjust some of her natural behaviours that may upset or offend the NT world.  If she can then both worlds will be enriched for the better.  The NT’s will learn the wonders of the PDA mind and Mollie’s amazing imagination can make her great fun to play with for other children.  If she can learn to moderate her less desirable behaviours, which may be made easier by understanding how the NT mind functions, then she can enjoy friendships and say goodbye to isolation.

That’s the plan anyway and it will either work or fail miserably but any small amount of progress, no  matter how tiny, is better than none at all.
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Important things to know about the NT brain that may help kids with PDA understand this strange and confusing race a little bit easier.  I cannot emphasis enough that the point of this post is not to tell individuals with PDA how to behave.  That is entirely up to you.  This is simply a guide to try to help my daughter cope in a ‘NT world’ because she wants to socialise again and I am sharing these thoughts in case it can be of any help to anyone else.

For the purpose of this information in order to try and keep things as clear and as straight forward as possible individuals with a neurotypical brain shall be referred to as NT’s and individuals with a PDA brain shall be referred to as PDA’ers.  It isn’t my intention to define an individual by their label but to simply keep the information easy to follow.

  • NT’s rarely actually say exactly what is on their mind which can be confusing because the PDA brain appears to do this naturally.  NT’s are constantly worrying and thinking about what they say and how they say it so that they don’t upset, bore or annoy the other person.  Because this comes natural to us it can be very confusing and shocking for NT’s when PDA’ers don’t show them the same thought for their feelings and just blurt stuff out.  NT’s may wrongly assume that you are not a very nice person which is very hurtful for you especially when you may not understand why they think this about you.

Advice

NT’s out there please try to be tolerant and to not take offence at the PDA forthright way of saying things just like it is.  PDA’ers may not be intentionally trying to shock, hurt or upset you it is sometimes simply a case of not truly understanding how these words may feel for you.  PDA’ers may simply just not be blessed with natural intuitive instinct and empathy, this doesn’t mean that they are uncaring it just means that their awareness of somebody else’s feelings in relation to their own actions may not be as finely tuned as yours.  You wouldn’t blame a blind man if he bumped into you so please don’t blame or judge a PDA’er if he/she occasionally verbally bumps into you.  On the other side of the fence words can really hurt and so if you have PDA just try and think about how much words may hurt you.  Because when you direct those words to other people it can really hurt them to.  It is ok to be yourself and to say what is on your mind but it doesn’t hurt to try to ‘not’ say hurtful things to people if you are aware that those words can hurt.  If your not sure if the words hurt then just imagine how you would feel if those words were said to you!

  • NT’s naturally know and understand their pecking order in society and will automatically be inclined to show adults and authority figures respect.  Kids with PDA do not appear to have this natural instinct and find it hard to understand why children are treated and expected to behave differently than adults.  If its ok for adults to swear, be in control, give orders and do what they want when they want then why should it be different for children.  Kids with PDA may therefore expect to be shown the same respect and allowed to have the same freedom as adults and may talk to adults as an equal.  This can be very confusing for Neurotypicals because in their culture children should be compliant, accept rules without question, not answer adults back and basically just do as they are told.  A kid with PDA may simply be viewed by the NT as defiant, rude and out of control when infact the kid with PDA is possibly only mirroring the behaviour of adults.  The kid with PDA simply wants to be allowed to be his or her own person without all of these social constraints that stifle their true self and make them conform.  Mollie once said to me “why do parents treat their kids like slaves”? 

Advice

please try to be understanding that a child with PDA doesn’t mean to be rude or disrespectful it is just that in their culture this pecking order doesn’t exist.  When your mind is wired for everyone to be equal and treated the same regardless of age it is really confusing to be expected to be subservient simply because you are young.  If you are NT then your brain is specially wired to accept your pecking order in society without any undue stress or embarrassment.  If you are PDA then this aspect of the wiring process is very different and being expected to behave and to be treated ‘like a slave’ is stressful, embarrassing and humiliating.  On the other side of the coin perhaps the PDA’ers can meet the NT’s half way so that it isn’t such a shock to their delicate systems.  If you are playing out perhaps it could be possible to mirror some of the behaviour of other children as how they interact with adults.  I don’t mean to stop being who you are but to simply try and talk respectfully without shouting or being rude.  Telling a peer to ‘shut up’ or getting extremely annoyed with them is one thing but if you do that to a NT adult it may be too much for them to accept.  By toning the natural you down just a little bit may help you keep those adults on side and this will be beneficial to you.  If NT adults like you they will want their kids to play with you.  Being nice can be a good way to keep things within your control!

  • NT’s can instinctively pick up if you are upset, angry, happy or nervous and they will try to help and to adjust their behaviour according to how you feel.  If they don’t pick up on how you are feeling you can simply tell them and they will understand and try to help you.  NT’s don’t need to see big and dramatic reactions in order to be able to understand a situation.  In fact big and dramatic reactions can frighten NT’s or make them feel angry towards you.  PDA’ers may not necessarily pick up on the subtle clues that NT’s pick up on.  So it may be wise to explain how you feel with explanatory language but keeping calm E.G. “those words hurt me so much that I am crying inside and my heart is breaking, even though you can’t see it on the outside that is how I am feeling on the inside”.  PDA’ers only appear to sometimes respond to strong reactions but a strong, loud or angry verbal reaction is likely to evoke high anxiety and stress.  Keeping a calm voice but explaining with visual terms that the PDA’er can relate to may help them to understand how stressed or upset their behaviour is making you. 

Advice

PDA’ers constantly have such high stress levels and are so anxious about keeping control of their own environment that it may not always be possible for them to adjust their own actions in order to accommodate the feelings of an NT.  If you are NT you are blessed with lower stress levels and you do not have extreme anxiety about controlling your environment and so you can and should be more flexible.  NT’s should find it far easier to put their own feeling to one side in order to accommodate the PDA’er.  If you need an individual with PDA to alter or moderate their behaviour because it is becoming too much to deal with try and use the expressive language as explained above in order to help the PDA’er understand how you are feeling.  PDA’ers you don’t need to shout or be over the top to make your point with a NT, infact you are more likely to make your point and have your needs accommodated if you can express yourself in a calmer manner.  Not shouting or blowing up, if you can control it, is more likely to get you what you need.  If you expect and need to be treated calmly and with respect then that is how NT’s need to be treated too.  By doing this you are more likely to stay in control of yourself and the situation.  It is also important to remember that even NT’s can, at times, experience high levels of anxiety when they are being controlled.  At times NT’s may need to be given a little bit of space so that they can have some freedom and reduce their anxiety levels.

At the end of the day progress will hopefully be made when NT’s and PDA’ers can fully understand, respect, accommodate and moderate how they interact with each other.  If we can both adjust, think about each others feelings, respect each others differences then we may be able to move forward in a positive direction.  This process starts with NT’s walking in PDA shoes so that we can fully empathise with them and then we may be able to teach them about us.

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I have passed this information onto Mollie and asked her for her opinion of my interpretations.  She says that, from her point of view, the information does reflect how she sees and interprets interactions.  However we are not saying, for one second, that this is how all individuals with PDA see the world or that it accurately reflects the difficulties of all individuals with PDA.

 

 

Following a two-year stint of complete isolation from the outside world Mollie has, very gradually, been making steady progress.  This has been helped greatly by the medication ‘fluoxetine’ which does appear to have reduced the anxiety that Mollie associated with the outside world.  I must add however that it does absolutely nothing for her impulsivity, need for control, demand avoidance or her inability to moderate her own actions/responses in relation to the needs of others.

We have gradually been able to encourage Mollie to take part in more activities outside of the home.  In the last few weeks alone we have managed walks, the park, bowling and swimming.  These recent achievements have given Mollie the confidence and the desire to attempt to play in the street with other children again.

Only a couple of years ago this was a complete disaster and was instrumental in our worst and most difficult period with Mollie.  It will be interesting to see how Mollie will cope now that she is two years older, has more understanding of her condition and has slightly lower anxiety levels due to taking ‘fluoxetine’.  While I am so happy to see her engaging with other children and playing outside in the fresh air I can’t help but have extremely mixed feelings about these recent events.  At the moment she is coping but I am concerned about how she will cope with this level of socializing as she becomes more exposed to it and when the, all to familiar, ‘honeymoon’ period wears off.    The thought of going back to where we were a few years ago simply makes my stomach churn because I really don’t think that I could do it all again.

Mollie has already had a minor blow-up at one of our neighbours.  He had very kindly noticed Mollie’s Ipad unattended in the street and so, for obvious reasons, he took it inside for safe keeping.  Mollie was playing with his daughter at the time and both he and his wife have always been very accommodating and patient with Mollie.  When Mollie realised that her Ipad was not where she had left it she, understandably, became extremely stressed.  However once Mollie realised that her Ipad was safe and sound in her friend’s house she proceeded to tear a strip off the parent responsible for actually protecting her prized possession.  I can understand her confusion because he hadn’t informed her of what he had done, which would have saved her a lot of stress and upset.  However tearing a strip off our neighbour is not conducive to her being liked or conducive to other parents wanting their children to play with her. PDA or not some levels of behaviour simply aren’t seen as acceptable and so if Mollie is going to successfully interact in the ‘outside world’ I really have to try my best to help her to adjust some of her behaviours.

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I think that one of the main difficulties for Mollie is that she appears to have huge difficulty with empathy at an emotional level. She just couldn’t see the other parent’s point of view or that he had done what he had done to protect her possession.  Instead she just saw red mist because her sole interpretation was seeing the incident only from her own perspective and the stress that it had caused.  She just didn’t, for one moment, view the incident from his perspective.  I would have dealt with the situation, even as a child, by saying thank you and feeling mightily relieved. As an older child I may have respectfully asked if he could, in the future,  inform me if he was saving something for me so that I didn’t worry?  Mollie’s way of dealing with it was to be rude, disrespectful and feel completely within her rights for doing so while not thinking for one moment of how her behaviour would be viewed by the other parent.

I understand Mollie and why she reacted in the way that she did but I thought that I would use this opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into her mind-set.  The reason being is that although Mollie is understood at home, she is not understood in the ‘outside world’.  Behaviour that we view as simply ‘Mollie being Mollie’ is ok at home because that is the one place where she can truly relax and be herself.  However if she wants to play and be accepted in the outside world it is imperative that I try to teach her what behaviour is and isn’t acceptable and why that is.  She knows at an intellectual level but she doesn’t appear to understand why at an emotional level.  I need to try to reach her emotional understanding of situations.

If she wants to interact in the outside world she will have to play by some of their rules or it will be a failure.  If this happens there is only one looser and that will be Mollie.  I desperately want her confidence to grow and for her to be able to function more successfully with her peers and their parents.  This will not happen unless she can begin to understand how a neurotypical thinks and views social interaction in the same way that I have had to understand how an individual with PDA thinks and views social interaction.  Hopefully, with education on both sides PDA and neurotypical can meet somewhere in the middle.  The ‘outside world’ will need to understand and to accommodate Mollie’s need to feel in control but she needs to understand that some of her behaviours E.G. speaking disrespectfully to a child’s parent, using abusive language or hitting another child just aren’t acceptable or ok.

Understanding Mollie’s Mind

  • Mollie appears to view and register people as objects rather than people with fears, needs, anxieties and so on.  She even mentioned on one of her mini posts that she used to wish that her friends were dolls.  She has always used me as a toy, a plaything for her own entertainment.  Dressing me up, doing my hair, my make-up, telling me what I can play with and what I can say.  Telling me off if I ever veer of script of don’t conform.
  • With the family she takes delight in playing practical jokes, stealing our items and then watching our reactions and the drama unfold.  She never appears to make any concessions for how this method of entertaining herself may actually feel for us.
  • People appear to be things that she uses for pure entertainment without understanding the impact that she  has on them emotionally and how this may make them view her.
  • She has never been able to accommodate my needs or adjust her own behaviour if she was upsetting or stresses me out.
  • She can use empathy to manipulate and control but it is almost as if this is at a purely intellectual level with no emotional attachment at all.  Mollie appears to move people around in her environment like a master chess player moves his chess places. Skilfully moving his pieces around a board in order to achieve the desired outcome.
  • Mollie can easily understand what and why certain things upset her but then she doesn’t appear to have the ability to use this information as a valuable insight into how her actions can evoke these feelings in others.

This description of Mollie makes her appear callous and unemotional but I don’t think that this is the case.  I just think that the part of Mollie’s brain that should process the thoughts and needs of others i.e. empathy appears to be misfiring.  She may be able to strategically plan how to keep people where she wants them but I really do think that she has extreme difficulties in understanding how this may make other people feel.

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Mollie has also made the following comments which I find extremely interesting and which has also helped me to understand her a little bit more.

  • Mollie has openly admitted and expressed confusion when I asked her if she thinks about the needs of others when she is interacting with them.  When I asked her if she ever wondered how another person may be feeling when they are playing with her she was mystified.  I tried to explain this concept to her and I informed her that when I am with another person I just automatically know if I am boring someone, upsetting somebody or hurting someone and so I adjust my behaviour accordingly.  Mollie says that she never does this when she is interacting with other people and appeared rather astonished at the whole concept.
  • Something that is really interesting is that when I was discussing the incident that had occurred with our neighbour she said that she had reacted strongly because she needed him to know that he mustn’t do it again.  In her eyes she can only make her point, safe in the knowledge that the other person understands her, if she shows an extreme reaction.  She had assumed that simply telling him not to do it again would not have the desired effect because he wouldn’t adequately understand her stress and pain unless she showed him.
  • This is made more interesting by the fact that Mollie can, at times, show empathy and adjust her behaviour on the rare occasion that I have an extreme reaction.  Sometimes, when I am desperate, I may have a little meltdown of my own.  I may visibly show how naffed off I am with her at that moment.
  • So, is it possible that Mollie can only pick up on and therefore react to strong and dramatic reactions.  Therefore, does she interpret this to mean that in order for her to invoke empathy in others that she also needs to use similar, strong and dramatic reactions.
  •  If a normal reaction is too subtle for her to pick up on or to successfully read then she may assume that the neurotypcial world is the same which could explain, to a certain degree, why her reactions are always so dramatic and over the top.

The neurotpical world relies on  subtle signals between us and calm discussion so that we can navigate the social highway with the least disruption.  Perhaps Mollie cannot function with subtle and needs extreme signals to navigate the social highway.  Is this where the two worlds collide and cause her so many problems.

If Mollie is going to succeed in her latest venture then I have to think of ways to try to help her to understand that some aspects of her character are just not going to be tolerated in the outside world and why.  I also need to help her to understand what another person may be thinking, their reasons for doing certain things and how they may interpret Mollie’s behaviour towards them.  This is made all the harder by the fact that Mollie is highly resistant to any form of teaching, only opens up occasionally and does not like discussing her feelings or being told how to behave.

I have told her that I love her and that she will always have me in this world.  However I have also told her that if she wants to interact in the outside world that she needs to learn about neurotypical people and to try to understand them in the same way that I had to learn about her.  I have told her that I can help her and that I can teach her in this area but that she has to be wanting and willing to learn therefore she can come to me when or if she ever wants to learn more.

We have discussed the incident with the neighbour and we used role play to try to assist Mollie to see the other person’s point of view and how that person would have viewed Mollie.  We left the Ipad in the garden and she pretended to be the neighbour while I narrated what he would have thought “Oh dear, Moll has left her Ipad out, it could get stolen and so I will take it inside and keep it safe for her”.  Mollie took the Ipad inside and then I knocked on the door and started to tear a strip off her.

I then proceeded to explain that reacting in the way she had was not very nice for the neighbour because he had only been doing a good turn.  I then pointed out that the neighbour would possibly think “I don’t like this young ladies attitude and I won’t be allowing my daughter to play with her again”.  When she was in role play she did seem to be able to understand the other side of the coin a little bit more.  With Mollie it would appear that she has to actually experience a situation in order to know what it feels like.  Her social imagination may appear, on the surface, better than you would typically see in someone with ASD but, in Mollie’s case, it really does appear to be lacking in any depth.

This doesn’t mean that Mollie doesn’t have the ability to feel true empathy at an emotional level but simply that we may need to find a new way of uncovering it for her. 

My friend Julia has PDA and she has extremely good empathy compared to Mollie and indeed to most people.  So, as PDA is a spectrum condition I am sure that difficulties with empathy can vary between individuals and I can only speak from my experiences of Mollie.  However I only know Julia as an adult and so I cannot speak for how she perhaps expressed herself or appeared to others as a child.  Was her empathy always there naturally or is it something that has become much better with maturity?  Time will tell for Mollie but hopefully the more I can learn and understand her the more successful ‘Team Sherwin’ will become.

janesherwin:

Please take the time to read this really informative post written by an adult on what it actually feels like to have PDA. The only way that we can really help our children is by truly stepping inside their minds. I don’t know who the author of this article is but I hope that she finds her way to our PDA community if she hasn’t done so already.

Originally posted on Diagnosis Withheld:

Imagine if you felt such profound anxiety every time someone demanded you to do something. At times it’s just a little sting here and there, other times it triggers anger and resistance. It gets so bad that even when no one is asking you do anything the possibilities of them again demanding something out of you race throughout your mind. You are in so much emotional turmoil that you feel it as a physical sensation in your body.

You know that you have to tell them but you’re worried about being faced with more resistance and those people demanding more out of you. It doesn’t matter how they react anyway because every time you reached that moment to explain it to them you can’t. It’s like there’s something in your brain blocking you from saying it.

But you have to get rid of the pain. You haven’t had a drink…

View original 1,158 more words

Beam Me Up Scotty!!

Well it’s been an interesting few weeks with Mollie she has completely ditched her repetitive viewing of her ipad and lost any capability of entertaining herself for more than five minutes. In short she is really doing my head in at the moment and my ability to be completely controlled day and night while simultaneously having to play children’s games has reached breaking point. As much as I try to accommodate Mollie’s needs I have had to explain to her that she must give me a break or I will be at risk of losing my temper and having a bit of a meltdown myself which I always deeply regret. As much as she may want me to be like a robot unfortunately, for her, I am not and there is only so much that this human brain can take.

Her hyperactivity levels and inability to stay focused or to concentrate on any given task have reached new heights. Every Barbie box will be upturned in the lounge leaving little room to either see the carpet or place your feet. Five minutes later and the lounge is discarded so that a glitter bomb can be made in the kitchen. Glitter, glitter everywhere but once she has been doing that for a grand total of five minutes we must move onto the next project. Plaster of Paris, making moulds and painting them is the next activity on the list. Oh Yippee even more stuff out and more mess, I can’t keep up with the tidying before she is embarking on a new project and demanding help and interaction. Ten minutes later and the cupboard under the stairs has been emptied and about twenty pairs of shoes, Christmas wrapping paper and a few stray bags are strewn along my hallway so that she can make a den.

Thank God it’s now 4.00pm and time for Mollie’s Personal Assistant funded by Direct Debits via Social Services to arrive. I breathe a sigh of relief and begin to tidy up my downstairs which now resembles a scene from ‘Can’t Stop Hoarding’. She runs upstairs like a Tasmanian Devil and to my horror has decided that today’s activity with Ann shall consist of rearranging my upstairs.

As if it isn’t bad enough that she sleeps in my bed every night she has now made the arrangement appear slightly more permanent by moving most of her trinkets, prize possessions, cuddly toys and various other articles into my bedroom.

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!

Mollie has also devised a set of house rules which we must all abide by. Failure to abide by the rules or to inadvertently break one of them involves a punishment of being handcuffed to the banister at the bottom of the stairs for varying degrees of time dependant on the severity of ones crime. For those that aren’t fluent in dyslexia a translation of Mollie’s rule list and the punishment time have been set out below this image.

 

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  1. Take shoes off when inside 5 Mins punishment GUILTY YOUR HONOUR, TWICE!!
  2. No hurting Rosebud 20 Mins punishment
  3. Don’t let Rosebud close to an open window 20 Mins punishment
  4. No eating people’s chocolate without asking 10 Mins punishment
  5. No shouting 5 mins punishment
  6. No being mean to Rosebud 10 Mins punishment
  7. No making fun of people 10 Mins punishment
  8. No kicking people out 20 Mins punishment
  9. No stripping 20 Mins punishment (not a normal activity in our house I must stress)
  10. Wash hands when you have finished cleaning 20 Mins punishment
  11. No trumping at people 10 Mins punishment
  12. No stealing 10 Mins punishment
  13. No killing 100 Mins punishment (again not a normal activity in our house but with only a 100 min punishment it could be tempting)
  14. No having sex until 18 100 Mins punishment ( again not an activity that we actively encourage our children to engage in)
  15. No hovering without permission 10 Mins punishment GUILTY YOUR HONOUR!!

On Saturday I spent twenty minutes handcuffed to the banister for the heinous crimes of hovering up without permission and entering the house wearing shoes on two occasions. Jake also had a ten minute stint on the step of shame for eating her ‘Cookie Dough’ ice cream. Fair enough I had warned him not to eat it, his excuse was that it had been in the freezer for weeks and so she obviously didn’t want it. Big mistake honey pie!!

Just when I thought that things couldn’t get any worse they did. Last night Mollie decided she wanted to give me a makeover. I’m not sure about the results but ten years younger it does not make me look. I then had to open the door when Lee came home and chase him down the street with my Grim Reaper scythe. I was not amused but the neighbours were and a few small children ran in crying.  Thank goodness she has gone to bowling today for a few hours with my dad, a short break is needed by one and all.

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So why the drastic change, could it be a single event, could it be a cumulative effect of events or could it just be a change of cycle. The possible culprits could be:-

  • She has been in contact with one of her friends from her last school placement and he has asked Mollie to be his girlfriend to which she has agreed. She has been enjoying the social interaction of a peer during the evenings on Skype and Minecraft. Unfortunately we have arranged on two different occasions for the Mollie and her boyfriend to meet up only for the boy’s mum to cancel at the last-minute on both occasions. So we have had to huge build ups and two disappointments to deal with. He has also been off-line for over a week as a punishment for something that has occurred at home and Mollie has not dealt with this very well. Could this set of event be a contributing factor?
  • Last week we attended an appointment with Mollie’s doctor to discuss how she is coping on the fluoxetine that he has medicated for her. The doctor is lovely but due to a lack of understanding re PDA his approach is less than PDA friendly. She hates going due to the demand and leaving the house is a major stressor for Mollie even when it is something that she wants to do. She is already on edge by the time we get there and she is immediately met with lots of direct demands, direct questions about how she is feeling, she is informed that she needs to go out more because she is missing out on things and a rather confrontational statement of ‘If you want medication you need to keep your appointments with me and it’s as simple as that’. On the way home she said how angry she was and how bad he had made her feel. She said that he made her feel as if she had a disease that needs to be stamped out. She also stated that she isn’t stupid, she is fully aware that she is missing out on things by being housebound and that she doesn’t need it rubbing into her nose. She then said it isn’t that I won’t go out it’s just that I can’t always do it. I shall make arrangements to see the Doctor prior to Mollie’s next appointment in the hope that I can possibly smooth over some of these issues. He has agreed to read my blog and so if you are reading this please don’t take it personally but I have to report any incidents that may then be causing me issues or being reflected in a change in Mollie’s behaviour.
  • Some great news is that Mollie had her ears pierced on Sunday. She is super pleased with herself and she is doing a fab job at keeping them clean and turning the earings. The problem is that she has become completely obsessed with ear rings and waiting six weeks before she can put any other styles in is driving her crazy. This very much reminds me of how things can be when we are waiting for a much looked forward to event to finally arrive E.G. Christmas or Birthday’s. Could this be another factor compounding the other two.
  • Could the excitement of doing her blog posts and videos last week have triggered a complete spell in the opposite direction.  She has completely avoided doing anymore but I am hopeful that if I completely pull back she will do some more in the future.

On the plus side she is still accessing the outside world more than she was and today she has even played in the street with the other kids for a short while.

All in all everything is ok but I am hoping that this current phase of complete hyperactivity and being unable to concentrate on anything for longer than a millsecond in conjunction with the need to make mess, mess everywhere will pass before I am sectioned!!!!

Thanks for reading this post for more information on PDA please visit.

http://www.thepdaresource.com/index.html

http://www.pdasociety.org.uk/?legacy_domain

Hi, its me Mollie and I’ve been getting a lot of good feedback. So I’m writing a new post so here it
goes.

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Why I Always Interrupt People

So my mum keeps asking me this same question. Why do I interrupt peoples’ conversations? Well that’s a hard one, but I think its because I feel like who ever is talking gets all the attention. So I try to interrupt so I get the attention so that’s that.

A little tip for all those parents out there

I don’t know if it’s just me but when my mum ask me questions, like how do you feel when I tell you what to do, it annoys me and makes me anxious so that’s one tip.

 When people  talk loud at me

I don’t know why but when people talk loud its sounds like they are shouting at me and when people do shout it’s like a cold vibe goes down me and my nerves go dead bad.

Why I want to be control

I don’t have any friends but when I do I have to be I’m control. I always think if you want something done you’ve got to do it yourself. So I wish that they were dolls so I could play with them but then I realise that they are not dolls, so that’s why.  I also like to be in charge so that I can control my environment.  I feel really embarrassed and upset if someone says the wrong thing to me like “don’t do that” or gives me an instruction that I aren’t expecting.  If I’m in control there is less chance of this happening because I am in charge of them.  I like surprises that are good ones but I don’t like being surprised by someone else, including other kids, telling me what to do or what to play.

This is for pda kids that have siblings

I don’t know if this is just me but when my brother’s friends are over I have to play and follow then around because I’m jealous that I don’t have friends, so I tried to take his. But there was one problem, my brother and his friends are 5 years older then me.

Going Out

I stopped going out because I was scared that I was going to do something stupid infront of loads of people.  I feel dead panicky, just panicky.

Stealing Other People’s Stuff

A successful steal used to give me a great adrenalin rush.  I would steal loads of stuff and hide it and enjoy watching people look for their stuff.  I don’t do it any more, so don’t worry if your kids do because they will probably grow out of it.

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So that was my mini post I hope you like it and see you next time, oh and please view my video.

Hi it’s Mollie, I looked at my mums blog and I loved it, so my mum is letting me have my own category.

So hi I’m Mollie and this is my first post.  My mum is going to interview me now so here it goes.

1  How does it make you feel if you are asked or told to do something?

It doesn’t really feel anything, I don’t know that I am avoiding it, it is an instinct to avoid the demand.  It’s just how I am.

2 How do you feel if someone tries to make you do something right now and not in your own time?

My stomach goes in knots and I feel anxious like they are yelling at me.  I get a bit scared, but I don’t show it, if you are going down a big ride it’s scary and that is how I feel if someone gives me a direct demand.  I can react differently each time and I never know how I will react.

3 Why or what caused you to have huge meltdowns?

If you are a baby and you want something you would cry and shout until you get it. It is a bit like like, one reason for a meltdown is to get something. Another reason is if you have a brother and he is getting all of the attention and you think that your parents love him more than you then you will do what you need to get attention. Even if it means been told off, some attention is better than no attention. If you are so angry, it isn’t like normal people you can’t keep it inside, you can’t calm down, you have to punch or kick something, you have to release your rage through your arms and legs.  People telling me what to do or yelling at me makes me angry.  Its like Pompeii all over again except the volcano doesn’t stop erupting.  My family are the Pompeeins and I am the volcano.  I can erupt anyplace anywhere if they make one wrong step bang !!!

4 Why Don’t You Have Meltdowns Anymore?

I don’t know why, I don’t think that I have changed, I think that you have changed.  My environment is different now because I don’t go to school and so I feel calmer.  I am teaching myself things so I don’t need to be taught because I can find things out for myself.  I feel that because I’m at home I feel a lot safer and my nerves are down.  My anxiety liquid has also helped to calm my nerves.  Also letting me do my own thing and you and dad not making me stick to rules or boundaries helps me to feel calm and in control.

5 Do you feel bad if you hit or shout at someone?

If I hit someone I feel bad a second later and so I run off, I’m terrified and hope that they won’t see me or know that it was me. I’m scared that they won’t forgive me or forget what I have done.  I do feel regret, anxious and scared after a meltdown and that I need to move away and find new friends because I will have lost those.  That is why I could never go back to school after I had a meltdown and was restrained by the teachers.

6 Why do you think that some stuff isn’t rude? 

I see people like teenagers and adults say stuff and I want to fit in and so I say that without realising that its wrong because they laugh at swear words.  I’m like I’ve heard loads of people say that why is it wrong, my mum tells me that its wrong.  Because I’ve got a good memory I remember the words and use them when I am angry.  Sometimes I try to make it funny and my friend always laughs at that stuff but I can’t tell my mum any of that stuff.  Sometimes when I swear I don’t care because I get angry but when I see them upset I do feel the tiniest bit of remorse.

7 Do Punishments and Boundaries Work To Make You Behave Differently ?

No, punishments and boundaries don’t work because they make me mad instead.  Also punishments can make me feel scared and stressed out.  I’m not a doctor and so I don’t always know why things do or don’t work.

8 Why Do You Tell Lies or Make Up Stories?

Lies about my life and my family are to make me seem more interesting so I may tell someone that me and my family have been on the biggest roller coaster on the world.  I say things like this so that people will be interested in me and like me.  Other lies like for example saying “Jake, someone has run over Rosebud”  I would say because I think it is funny to see the reaction. I just think it is funny and I don’t naturally think how I have made that person feel.

9 How Do You Feel About Having PDA, Are You Happy?

Sometimes I’m not happy but sometimes I am happy because having PDA makes me special.  Sometimes I feel that having PDA really messes up my life, people can look at me weird and think that I am weird but I’m not.  I am getting used to it and starting to feel more comfortable and confident about myself.

10 What Are The Really Positive Things About You?

I am very funny, sometimes I say things that make people laugh without meaning too.  I am very lively and I have a great imagination.  I am extremely clever with a high IQ meaning that I can solve visual problems really easily.  I am very creative and really good at art.  Oh and I’m a brilliant actress, how do you think I lie so well and fool others into believing my stories.  I guess that I am a little bit mischievous because I really love playing pranks and practical jokes.

11 How Can Mum and Dad Help You To Be The Best and The Happiest That You Can Be? 

Just carry on with how things are now.  No discipline, rules, punishments or anything like that because it makes me more angry.  Mum’s and Dad’s need to be patient E.G. Don’t tell me to brush my teeth NOW!  Instead leave the toothbrush on the side and leave it for me to decide when to brush my teeth. Parents need to be fun and exciting so that if I slip up or do something wrong you need to stay calm and say its alright.  Make sure that I am in a safe environment.


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Kids with PDA aren’t bad, their brains may be wired up different but they aren’t that different.  We all talk, walk, sneeze and get colds just like everyone else.  Don’t try and make them be good with treats, prizes or punishments. We need to be treated with respect, we need to be treated like an adult because we think more like adults than kids.  Try to accept us as different rather than try to make us, what others think of as, normal.

So this is Mollies mini post I hope you like it and can’t wait for more.

Please click on the link below to find out who Rosebud is and to meet me.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=605916209500417&set=vb.100002461317805&type=2&theater#

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