A blog that explores the concept of PDA as well as offering an insight into life with a child with PDA

Home Schooling

I have spent the last five years trying to encourage Mollie to attend school and to provide her a school, in conjunction with our local authority, that will meet her needs and more importantly where she will be happy.

Five years of encouraging, guiding, negotiating, bribing, forcing, pushing, insisting, demanding, consequences, rewards, jumping through hoops and accommodating her very unique needs.

This has resulted in five years of stress, anxiety, meltdowns, physical attacks, verbal attacks, avoiding tactics, metal gymnastics to stay one step ahead, meeting after meeting, unfairly misjudged by other children and parents, mental exhaustion and the loss of emotional well-being for both of us.

In short I am done, I’ve had enough and so has Mollie.

I don’t think that either of us have the mental strength to continue jumping on and off the schooling merry-go-round.  The warning signs have been there for a few months and I knew that school refusal was just around the corner.  The school have lots of ideas and want to continue trying to temp Mollie into school but I have reached the stage where I just don’t see the point anymore.  What will all of our efforts achieve, maybe another few months of sporadic attendance until something else goes wrong or happens which will lead to the next bout of complete school refusal.

I can continue sticking my head in the sand and keep putting inadequate plasters over a gaping wound but it is only ever going to be a temporary fix and I need something permanent.  I need to make a brave decision for both Mollie and I and jump off the school merry-go-round.

I have decided to give home-schooling a whirl  after all what have I got to lose because she’s spent the best part of the last three years at home anyway.

They have without doubt been the worst three years of my life.  Imprisoned within my own home by a violent, abusive and egocentric dictator and cut off from all forms of normal life.  I have had breakdowns, I have self-harmed, I have drunk too much, I have had suicidal thoughts, I have wished that I could go to sleep and never wake up and I did think, at one stage, that the only way that I could save any of us from this hellish nightmare was to put Mollie into care.  A residential school was the half way house option and meant that I still retained all of my parental rights and that Mollie would still be at home every weekend and all of the school holidays.  This never really took off and she never stayed even one night and now she can’t even cope with attending on a day basis only.

What the small amount of school attendance has done has allowed be to take stock and recharge my batteries.  Writing this blog has been the best help of all, to throw all of the, whirling around my head thoughts, onto paper has been like clearing out an overcrowded and ram packed filing cabinet.  It has also give me a sense of purpose in life and something to focus on.  Setting up a Facebook account has given me a much-needed window into the social world and the PDA groups have given me a community which I feel a part of.  Mollie has shown steady improvement during this current stint at home and talking with Julia, an adult with PDA, has given me greater understanding and empathy for my daughter and much more hope for her future.

I now feel strong enough, knowledgeable enough and empathetic enough to my daughter’s needs to start again on a fresh path.  Fingers crossed we will cope and do well and you never know a bash at school may still be an option for the future but for now the outside world is just too much for  either her or I to cope with.


Comments on: "Home Schooling" (11)

  1. Hello Jane,
    All power to you! As you probably know, you do not have to follow the nat. Curriculum in any shape or form. Just doing what is right for you both is great! My very best wishes.
    Tilly x

    • Thanks Tilly, fingers crossed that all will be ok. She’s already done her timetable lol which in itself was a lesson although she didn’t know it. She now knows how to do a spreadsheet, of sorts, on excel lol xxx

  2. Best wishes on your new endeavor. Homeschooling is a great adventure.

  3. Sounds like relieving her of such a major pressure is the best option you both have. The advantages of the social side of school is only an advantage if it is positive. I really hope it works out for you and I really think you have made a good decision. Keep us posted on how it goes. Good luck.

    • Thank you Lynn
      I had hoped that attending a special school where all of the children have ASD, so that she felt that she belonged, would help with the social side of things. Unfortunately because she has PDA rather than Aspergers or High Functioning Autism she is just as out of place there as she was at mainstream. It is the social side that has caused her the most problems because they don’t understand her and because of their own difficulties they do not have the same amount of patience or understanding as mainstream children do. It is nobody’s fault but the social side has ultimately being a disaster and it is really affecting her emotional well being. By keeping her at home I can still promote the social side of her life but in a more controlled and less volatile environment. That’s the plan but of course I could be left with egg on my face if it all goes wrong. Fingers crossed it will turn out to be the best decision for us. Thank you for your support it does mean a lot when other people can understand and offer words of encouragementxx

  4. […] Home Schooling | Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome an autistic spectrum disorder […]

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